A joint family is more than living together

 A joint family is on a disintegrating path ever since society graduated into an age of technological advance, changing gender roles and better employment opportunities. Interdependence on each other in large families seems to have been replaced by independent living and self-sufficient attitude.

Living together under one roof which was once about shared values and harmonious co-existence, today raises questions on adjustment and compromise. Couples post weddings settle down away from their in-laws and relatives to avoid what they now call an 'intrusion' into their conjugal space that decades back did not mean the same.

When Meenu Mehrotra, writer and blogger, shifted into a nuclear setup in Dubai after spending years in a joint family, she found the transition to be a favourable one. "The decision to separate from family was not a conscious but circumstantial one. My mother-in-law passed away, brother(s)-in-law got married and I too started to discover the author in me. A joint family is a lot of fun but I'd had my fill and wanted space," she asserts. However, the absence of the comforts of living together leaves her sad at times. "During my first pregnancy, I was pampered, spoilt for choice and had co-operative in-laws who put up with my mood swings. I missed that warmth the time when I was expecting my second child," sighs Meenu.

Unlike her, Mrunalini Deshmukh, an endocrinologist in U.S.A took time to start an independent life with her husband. She attributes her 14 years of successful medical career to her joint family. "I grew up to be a compassionate and altruistic physician because of a culture fostered by my family," she says. Mrunalini agrees to have experienced a liberating setting post marriage but soon wanted to move back. "During my training period, my family and in-laws' involuntary decision to stay with my kids without hesitation helped me imagine a fulfilling career," says Mrunalini. Medical research shows how more than diet, exercise, genes or location; a family-oriented lifestyle ensures a healthy life. Mrunalini informs, "As a physician, I have observed that patients, struggling with decision-making, conflict management or illness, recover better when they come from a joint family."

It is often perceived that the percentage of couples that come to discuss their marriages on the brink of dissolution to psychologists and doctors seems to be more from nuclear than joint families. The reason being, as Dr. Kamal Khurana, marriage counsellor points out, "Couples part of joint families have seniors and elders to confide in as opposed to the ones coming from a single unit who find aid in us." As a note of caution he adds, "It is important that elders in family respect the autonomy of the couple and not impose diktats that may impede the relationship. Dictatorship and mentorship are two separate things and should never be mixed."

To believe that familial ties are unbreakable in cases where members are living together too can be bit of a misnomer.
TV actress, Simone Singh for instance who has always lived in a nuclear family, tells us why. For her, the effort put into a relationship precedes the setup. "Both institutions come with great values and responsibilities. One cannot be judged better than the other. It's not just sharing the same land; there are people who live like strangers even within a joint family. More than structural proximity, it is how you conduct a relationship that matters most," she avers.
Every social structure dissolves and takes a new shape. Families entering new systems indicate a sign of thinking and evolving culture. Explaining this emerging phenomenon, actor and film maker Sudeshna Roy feels, "Little condominiums are the new face of joint families wherein every family living in independent housing estates/flats contribute in the well-being of extended families."

Communication Problems in Families

Every family goes through its ups and downs. Most often, the root cause of this situation is the lack of communication. Take a look at how communication issues among families come about, and how they can be fixed.

For anyone to say that they've never seen family problems would seem a tad unbelievable. There isn't a family that hasn't seen issues of some sort at some point or the other. The biggest cause for misunderstandings is communication issues among families. The unfortunate part is that one little misunderstanding can cause bitterness for a long time to come. But at the end of the day, the scenario with relationships isn't quite as volatile as it may turn with the family. In case of a family, it is of extreme importance that the issues get handled with care, especially because if not handled in the right manner they could turn into dysfunctional families for a long time to come after that. It also isn't uncommon to see that a lot of these problems often stem from strained relations between the adults of the house, in the first place. So, how should these communication problems within families be fixed? Take a look.

 

Problems do not erupt out of nothing. They most often are a result of egos and sometimes of denial. Some of the most common factors that lead to communication issues among families are:

Lack of Patience: This is a largely contributing factor leading towards family communication problems. Lack of patience can be one of the biggest downfalls when it comes to the levels of closeness of most families too. A snappy parent, or even a snappy child can be quite a hassle to handle under certain circumstances. The easiest way out in situations like that then is ignoring the person in question, because it is a much simpler escape route.

Lack of Time for Each Other: Not so much of a shocker, is it? The lack of time for family members is invariably a reason that leads to communication problems. Makes sense if you really think about it. With the fast paced lives that we seem to be leading these days, it hardly comes as a surprise that the lack of time for each other is one of the key aspects leading to family problems. Parents hardly have the time for children; spouses too, don't have much time for each other. It's almost heart breaking to see family's lose their closeness due to reasons that would seem almost trivial.

Lack of Discipline: This is the worst problem in terms of children. A badly behaved child could ruin the peace of a family, like a tornado waiting to happen. What's worse is, while parents may have some semblance of control when the child is little, this could go way out of hand when he/she gets older, thus leading to a constantly disharmonious atmosphere within the family.

Solving the Problems

If there are problems, there are solutions, that is a given. If worked on the right way, even these problems can be put to rest. Take a look at what the best solutions for family problems are.

Be Patient: If the lack of patience is one of the causes of problems, very evidently the solution is developing the virtue of patience. Hearing out what the children have to say on a certain matter, or even consulting the significant other in issues where their consent is required is one way to start.

Spend Time Together: Not being in on each other's lives can vastly cause problems too. It is therefore essential to have quality family time with one another. Bear in mind though, while being in on the other person's life is a good thing, it shouldn't border on interference in any way. An overdose of time spent with each other too can lead to problems, so this must be worked on with a certain balance.

Stay Focused and Don't Assume: This one goes more for the seniors of a family. It would be natural to see juvenile behavior being displayed by the younger members of a household, but it is up to the elders, be it parents or siblings, to control the atmosphere and keep it calm. A hot-headed adult can make situations worse. Also, being presumptuous about the behavior and attitude of the younger ones can lead to problems, so rather than working on assumptions, talk things out. A comfortable environment will help allow truth from them too. This will act well in favor of the family.

Most of what was given above were some of the most common problems that most families are faced with. Working on them could help to a great extent. At the end of the day it is important to maintain the best relations possible with your family, because if not for family, there is nobody else to act as a real support system to you.

Listening - Strong Base of a Relationship

A healthy romantic relationship can be the one of the best supports of your life, given that you maintain it well. If the relationship is good and you share an excellent camaraderie with your partner, both of you will have an improved life with more happiness and health. On the flip side, if the relationship isn`t going smoothly, both will feel drained out.

Relationships can be best described as investments – the more you give, the more you get back. And if you expect to get all the time, you are doing nothing, but setting yourself up for discontentment and annoyance. Relationships last only when both the partners realize that differences connect people and make life more interesting. It`s a two-way street and relationships are best built on compromise and sharing.

The key to a healthy relationship is communication – straightforward, honest and direct communication which includes expressing affection, talking about needs and expectations, discussing fears and issues and more. When two people share their feeling with each other, be it about anything, they strengthen their bond. 

People are not endowed with mind reading capabilities. However, there are some couples who just know what their partners are thinking. These people happen to know because they communicate with each other and know their partners too well to read their minds at specific situations. Therefore, it`s of extreme significance that you express your feelings and give him a chance to express his. This will make you understand each other better.

Never hide your feelings, even if it`s anger or disappointment, just talk to him. And also, encourage him to talk let his feelings out. The notable thing here is that you listen to him when he is expressing his feelings. Women have the tendency to react to a blame or any kind of criticism. Deny it, but it`s true. So, while he is saying anything, be patient and calmly listen. He may be telling the truth. Patience and listening are the two most important things that can help you sail smooth through tough phases of your relationships. 

Listening is also important because it helps you realize what is important for your partner. Knowing his priorities in life go a long way in finding a middle ground to make the relationship better. While you learn about his priorities, make it a point to speak to him your list of important things. Problems and misunderstandings are part and parcel of every relationship and they don`t make it imperfect. The two of you have to understand that perfect relationships are those that stand tall even after there have been problems.

Ten ways to surprise that special someone

Who does not like good surprises! Finding something lovely when you least expect it is most certainly a pleasant feeling. To know that someone has taken particular efforts to plan something just to make you feel special, just to bring a smile on your face, isn’t that the best feeling in the world? To love and be loved and appreciated in return is definitely one of the most heartfelt desires.

Do you have someone that you love dearly but don’t appreciate often, don’t tell him or her how special he or she is? People tend to take things that closest to their heart for granted. So if you think you have been taking that person for granted, or you feel the need to make him/her special just because they matter to you or it could be just that you think you need a little zing in your monotonous routine life, just express your love in your own way and surprise your other half!

Here are some ways to surprise your loved one

Flowers/chocolates - it’s probably the most common way of expressing affection. Send flowers or chocolates to your loved one when they are away from you, when the least expect it. It will surely bring a smile to their face.

Text - When he or she is at work, give him/her a call or send a text saying ‘i miss you’ or ‘i love you’. Say something sweet that you haven’t said in a while. That will surely touch their heart and make them feel loved.

Cook dinner - cook a meal for your loved one. Prepare the dishes that they love or something they wanted to eat for quite some time but didn’t get the chance. Show that you know and care for their likes, their wishes even the small ones. This one will definitely earn you a smile and a hug.

Massage - When your special one comes home after a long, tiring day, prepare a nice, hot bath for him/her. Indulge him or her with a back massage or leg massage. Make them feel pampered and loved.

Date - Surprise your dearest with a date. Arrange for a dinner, a long drive, or a walk on the beach with him or her. Remind them of the old dates and tell them how they are as special to you now as they were before, if not more.

Make something - Make a small gift or a card for him or her. It could be a craft, an origami, anything that you have made yourself, that shows your love and dedication for the other person. Wrap the present and put it in their car or work bag, so they’ll be pleasantly surprised to find it.

Compile pictures - Collect all the pictures of you both together and create a collage, an album or a CD. You could also frame it and hang it on a wall. This will express how much the memories you both have shared mean to you.
Love notes- make small love notes, with short messages of love and leave them at unexpected places, like in their wallet, near their toothbrush, in pockets, among the clothes. So each time the other person finds a note, it will warm their heart, bring a smile to their face.

Plan a trip - Plan a surprise trip to a destination that your darling always wanted to visit. This will make him/her feel loved and valued.

Propose - Very clichéd but still effective. Propose to your sweetheart, even if you are already married to each other. Tell him/her how much you love him/her and what he/she means to you. That even if you were given another life, you would want to spend it with him/her.

Spending time with children - Important for working moms

It is important for mothers to spend quality time with their children, and there is no exception for working mothers. Although working moms often face constraints because of their busy work schedule, they should make time for their kids and be a part of their childhood. Did you know that a child’s well-being and self-esteem are dependent on the quality time he/she spends with the parents? Studies have shown that kids, who have been neglected in their childhood, grow up to become insecure adults, who are not confident about themselves. Since they did not get the love and attention from their parents, they start having doubts on their capabilities and come up with justifications as to why their parents failed to love them while growing up.

Engage in short conversations
To avoid such unpleasant situations, working moms should devote some time for their kids every day. To begin with, moms can engage their kids in short conversations once they are back home from work. They can ask their kids on how their day was in school and if they are facing any problem with their homework. This way, there is bonding between a mother and a child. Asking simple questions can change your kid’s perception about you. Once kids realize that their mom is taking interest in their lives, they regain confidence in themselves and feel good from within.

Plan fun activities after dinner
Mothers often find themselves slightly free after dinner. Once the dishes are done, instead of switching on the television, plan some fun activities with your kids. You could play board games, read stories, and engage in drawing and painting, to make it a fun evening for both yourself and your kids. Mothers should in fact make it a point to include fathers in these activities. Often, we see mothers bonding well with the kids but fathers end up being left out of the picture.  Include all the family members in fun activities so that no one feels left out.

Weekends are for outdoor activities
All of us look forward to weekends. Kids finally get some break from school and working moms get a break from office work. So, make the most of your time on weekends by engaging in outdoor activities that is fun for everyone. Cycling and swimming are the most common activities that parents and kids engage in. You can also go on a picnic at a community park or at the beach. It is important that kids engage in outdoor sports at least once a week, to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Only when kids are healthy can you enjoy quality time with them. Plus, outdoor games enable kids to explore their strengths and capabilities, which ultimately mould them into confident, young adults.

With so many things to do and explore, working moms and kids can never run out of ideas on spending quality time together. Be it a busy weekday or a relaxing weekend, never neglect your kids. Always make them a priority and spend as much quality time as possible because even the slightest negligence from your part can destroy their childhood and mess up their adulthood.

5 Ways to Juggle Work and Relationship

Whether you like it or not, your professional life is likely to invade your personal life. In pretty much all the professions, there are extremely busy, moderately busy and less busy times. However, many events may have passed when you were less busy and he was extremely busy making it impossible to find time for each other. Creating a good work-life balance isn`t an easy task and you have to take every step with great concern. Here are five ways to maintain a balance between work and relationship.

Additional work should strictly be a no no. Until and unless you calculate all the additional work and the spare time you have, don`t give your consent. Set limits and learn to say no when your colleagues ask you to do something for them – you have a personal life and the more work you take, the more you will be trapped in your work life. Remember that you can`t make everyone happy at all times. Know your priorities and cruise ahead without any guilt.

Create a boundary between your personal life and professional life. With technology that`s so advanced that you can connect to anyone anywhere, it is of grave importance that you make sensible decisions. When you are at the office, simply concentrate on your work rather than texting your friends or chatting with your boyfriend. Likewise, once you step outside the office, leave it behind. Don`t go nagging about the co-workers or talk about deadlines with your boyfriend.

Things don`t just fall at the right places, you have to move the places right under where the things are falling. Every now and then, check with your partner when he gets a free weekend or have holidays and plan a romantic getaway. If both of you  don`t get days off at the same time, don`t fret about it. Rather go on a long drive on Saturday evening or visit a spa together on a Sunday morning. Just find ways to do stuff together and enjoy each others` company.

Every week, take some time out to do nothing with your partner. There is work and then there is family, friends, responsibilities and so many other things in between, you just spend most of your day running around. And it`s not just a day, you know you have to do it all over again the next day and the day after that. Away from that hustle-bustle, spend some time with your partner doing absolutely nothing. Just sit there holding hands, lie down cuddling, walk together quietly, lay back and watch the time passing by. This will bring the two of lot closer than ever before.

More than anything else, have fun. Don`t let stress cripple your relationship. Creating and maintaining a perfect balance between hectic professional life and a routine personal life is extremely stressing and can negatively impact all your relationships. In spite of being fatigued and weighed down, you should do some crazy stuff with your partner. Put on some music and dance like a three year old, have a pillow fight, get soaked in the rain, eat whipped cream right out of the can – act stupid enough to laugh aloud as there`s no better medicine than laughter.

Relationship essentiality - Privacy is important

Privacy is an important freedom that every individual on this earth yearns for and has the right to get it. Many of us would never want our privacy to be invaded by anyone and those are the times when we lose our temper. Even in a relationship, privacy is a major component and at times the very survival of the relationship comes under attack due to lack of privacy. Quite often, we hear stories of men and women facing quite an embarrassing situation when their long hidden secrets are let out in the open by their close associates. This invasion of the privacy of an individual causes lot of friction among people who are involved in the relationship, be it just friends, professional associates, lovers or spouses.

Most of the people do have a corner in the heart that stores their deepest secrets of life. The secrets may not necessarily be bad but it could be some interesting memories that the individual love to cherish. We behold the key to this secret corner and it’s our wish to give a gate pass to those we trust to gain access to this corner. When we get really comfortable with a person and trust them more than our soul, we are sure to let them peek into our discreet segment of the heart. This segment is protected by our own soul and we need lot of privacy and never want anybody to enter it without the proper access channel.

If we trust a person and pour out the emotions and happy moments that has been long cherished and preserved in our hearts, there is a lot of privacy that is required in this process. Quite often people do not understand the concept of privacy and such secrets are let out in the public for fun and excitement. This affects the individuals’ emotional balance and is shattered knowing the fact that his privacy has been invaded and loses his long instilled trust on the person too.

Trust and privacy go hand in hand. Only when we trust a person do we allow the person to get into our privacy circle. When the circle is broken by the other person then the trust is naturally broken too. In a husband and wife relation, the term privacy occupies even more importance. Life is a combined concept for both of them and so is privacy. That’s the reason, many psychologists are of the opinion that couples need to spend a lot of time together in privacy. Only when there is a good privacy provided for them, the couples reveal their inner feelings and they get to know each other in a much better manner making their bond even stronger.

Joint family concept that is prevailing in India can hamper the privacy of coupes to some extent. But the couples must understand that privacy is a strong foundation that is essential to sustain their relationship. Lack of privacy may lead to lack of communication and this in turn leads to grudge among the couples.

For any couple, privacy is a matter of strong foundation that keeps the relation in strong bonds.

Joint Family or Nuclear Family

The urban life of today is getting dissected and the joint family concept is slowly becoming a vague concept. In earlier times, there use to be big families with lots of couples, in-laws and children. Such families although have their own critical consequences but the share of happiness was immense. It seems that the concept will soon become a pre historic norm. The working couples of the contemporary era prefer to stay alone and the availability of money due to inflow of cash on putting joint effort offer wings to their desires. Taking care of the children is also no more a Herculean task now, as, several day cares and excellent institutions for children have made it a cakewalk. Now the question is whether it is joint family or nuclear family and it is difficult to answer this. Both the set ups have their own benefits and drawbacks. As some of the couples put much stress on their freedom while some others are bothered about the level of stability and security offered by the joint family.

Therefore, at a given point of time, if anyone happens to come across the question whether they prefer joint family or nuclear family, it is sure that no body will be able to answer the query at the first instance. On one hand the outcome of enjoying unlimited privacy and the break free from the traditions will rule. On the other hand, the constant guard of various experienced eyes over the activities of your children, the safe guard that comes from standing in unity is also lucrative.

The basis of living together or moving apart depend upon the mutual understanding that comes naturally by living together over time. The respect and trust prevailing between the two generations is also another basis that also has the influence on the difference. If the relationship with the in-laws and the other family members is not a easy one then also it s going to affect the consequence of living all together or drifting away from each other. This also affects the mutual relationship between the couple staying in such company.

Still there are exceptions too. In many cases, people are bound to live away in lieu of job and lack of emotional bond is no way an element to define, whether it is going to be a joint family or Nuclear Family. Therefore, it is better to stick to ones individual outlook and point of view and to select the set up ideal.

Extended Vs. Nuclear Families

I have been thinking about the positive side of a Minnesota blizzard. [One] of the blessings is that extended-family occasions come to a halt. Thank goodness. The extended-family dinner is a threat to the pleasure and ease of the American farm family, yet it is hard to say so. In Minnesota we are great protectors of the American family—just as we are one of the last areas in which the small "family farm" idea works and is sacred. We are right about this. The nuclear family is far the best of all the units human beings organize themselves into; when you break it down, its members inevitably pursue lesser, not greater, aims. They settle for cheaper values. Jung says that, when the family breaks, the adult members tend to be frozen at the level of consciousness at the moment of the break. On a less subtle level, people begin following their own noses with more abandon. Experiment takes the place of solid satisfaction; satisfaction takes the place of thinking hard.

In the country, family means father, mother, children, and the grandparents; extended family would mean all the above plus the cousins, the uncles, the grownup in-laws on a lot of sides. These relations tend still to be living near one another, and often a farm couple's first five or six Christmases together will be spent in their presence.

The extended-family goals are not the nuclear-family goals; what nourishes extended-family society is starvation fare for the nuclear family. Here is how it works. If people are eccentric and verbal and curious about other lifestyles, then the extended-family dinner plus afternoon plus supper plus afterward is a cheerful, messy, engaging, affectionate business even when it does drag on all day (as it always does). But if people are shy or harassed or not perfectly confident about their accomplishments, then the extended-family holiday is informed by some misery along with the Jell-O and fruit and Rice Krispies bars.

My suspicion is that prairie families have been ruing these large, hearty, 100 percent threatening occasions for over a century now, but no one dares say anything because it sounds mean—and it does sound awfully mean to say you don't want the whole family back over this year. If you took a poll with promise of utter secrecy, I feel sure the vote would be 98 percent "We should have gathered only two times instead of four times this year because I was never so tense or bored in my life" and 2 percent "Well, Merv and LaVonne had them last year, so we figured it was up to us to have them all this year". Such remarks never get made aloud, however, because our general cultural stance in the countryside is that we wish people "neighbored" more, the way they used to, and we wish families were sticking together more, the way they used to. Who can imagine Laura Ingalls Wilder wishing the folks were not all going to show up? In other words, we are torn about this.

JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM CURSE OR BLESSSING

INTRODUCTION
Joint Family is a type of extended family composed of parents, their children, and the children’s spouses and offspring in one household. In Pakistan previously Joint family system was found in a large number and was the most prefer system in Pakistan but now in Today’s world of globalization and urbanization joint family system is losing its roots and family system in Pakistan has been converted in nuclear family system.
Both the system joint and nuclear has its own advantages and disadvantages but today I will only discuss JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM. Both the systems advantages and disadvantages are based of personal experience of individual and different from one another.

JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM

FINANCIAL SUPPORT

In my opinion some people prefer joint family system on different basis sometime on the basis of financial support because in joint family system financial burden is shared by all the members of the family.

DISADVANTAGE: When financial burden is shared by all members than it will reduce burden and people will divide their responsibility and feel relax but in my opinion this is not rite because I have seen families living in joint family system sharing burden of each other but not happily they consider others as a burden and want to live their own life but later on it is not possible and when financial burden will be supported by other members than the members who will be dependent on other for supporting financially will stop struggling and they want the same support from other whole life and this thing is not possible and in this financial crisis time. Later on these things create problems and became the cause of tension among family members.

CLASH OF OPINIONS

In joint family system love and respect is the most important factor for elders and all the family members. This system is being control by the dominating member of the family and his or her say really matters and this has also some disadvantage.

DISADVANTAGE: Its not like that I am against joint family system but the things is that all these points which I am explaining to my readers is based on my own personal experience. In joint family system one family member is the dominating head which result in disrespect and clash of opinions of other members. Excessive stress and lack of tolerance level among us result in clash off all the members on the basis of difference of opinion. All people have the right to express the feeling and share the opinion and lead the lives on the basis of their own choice but if other individual will disagree with the head of the family than it will be consider as disrespect. So at the end of the day no mutual respect an love left among individual.

JOINT FAMILY SYSTEM PREFER OLD NORMS

In the joint family system old norms and values are so strong that if someone dare to change it than he or she will be consider as different. This system really supports community basis and same caste and race. If a family member want to get married out of the community than it will be hard for the new member to adjust and it will be hard for others members of the family to adjust themselves with the other community members and this is the reason why joint family support same community because the new will not aspect the norms of the family and results in disorganized family. So it become really hard for a new comer to adjust her self and it definitely results in clash and disturbance. So people living in joint family system should get married on the basis of their family choice in this way only life will be easy for all the members.

CONCLUSION

There are so many points to write but rite but now I am not at all feeling well so I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of joint family system in detail in my next blog. And all my readers can take this blog as an introductory blog for such a debatable topic but as far some of these points are concerned are totally on basis of my personal experience. As far I am concerned later in my life I will not prefer Joint family system because My experience in joint family system is not at all good and I always have a clash because of my thinking and in joint family system all members opinions doesn’t matter but this is not the disadvantage. We the individuals are making joint family system the worst system otherwise this system can be the best in future.

Joint Family System A Long Lost Tradition

 Man is a social animal; and a lonely man can rarely be happy or healthy. It is human nature to seek company of others and family wasthe first social institution created by mankind.Sadly this ancient pillar of civilisation has gradually dissipated in thelast few decades, and a particular notion of individual’s sanctity hastaken over any shared sense of community. South Asia is perhaps theonly part of the world which is still struggling to maintain a uniquefamily system with its esteemed values along with some outlandishcustoms, but the recent cultural invasion by West has rendered eventhis last remnant of our traditions vulnerable to threats of modernity.Fashionable terms such as ‘rationality’ and ‘privacy’ have turned traditional values of courtesy, greeting,respect, deference, euphemism and politeness into passé and dated conventions. Nobody bothers to followtradition anymore because in our fast modern life they have begun to feel severe and cumbersome. Life isfaster than it has been ever before and lifestyles are altered to cope with its speed and demands. Everyone isengaged in a rat race to make ends meet. Limited space and accommodation is available at unbelievablyhigh costs. A high percentage of individuals now prefer living in miniscule apartments just because they areeasily accessible, convenient, and more secured as compared to separate houses.Formerly individuals lived under the umbrella of large family mansions and joint-family-systems in SouthAsia as well as in old Europe under one head of the family. His decisions could not be questioned, hiscommand remained supreme, his wisdom respected and lauded, everyone had to conform to his firm rulesand principles. This notion of the family system prevailed in the Sub-Continent until the recent times.Living in big cities means limited time, tough competition and plenty of work-load, and when combined, itall exerts pressure on the mind which eventually leads to frustration and lack of tolerance and acceptance.The idea of a joint family system is ebbing away from our society. There are many reasons of its breakdown,though it has been beneficial in many ways and its advantages are apparently stronger than that itsdisadvantages. Lifestyles and mindsets have altered to a great extent after the advent of the new world order,liberalism, system of democracy etc. Some people feel that joint family system under one head of the familyis more like a marshal law dictatorship and could be as oppressive as totalitarianism with no space for dissent.Though it is true that each individual is born free and deserves to live life the way he/she prefers but it ishumanly impossible for a person never to err in his personal decisions. Elders, who have alreadyexperienced all the flows and ebbs of life, can always be relied upon to proffer better guidance and make better decisions than a youngster’s inexperienced mind. One should always seek elders to consult, if not onminor steps, then at least before taking crucial decisions of life. It is recommended to acquire the companyof those who attained knowledge and wisdom through experience. Nowadays young people are rarely seenengaged in a healthy and constructive activity or a discussion. Our fast paced lives rarely allow us to ponder over things other than monetary benefits resulting in tired and constantly stressed minds.It has become a norm to ape western culture and to prefer it over one’s own. Change is in the air but a positive change is barely observed anywhere. It seems as if the world is shrinking down though the fact is

that the cosmos is expanding every minute. Contrary to the axiom, “nature does not change” human natureseems to be devolving toward narcissism, and human mind inconspicuously deforming into a shallow object.We refuse to accept anyone’s involvement in our lives, and instead take it as an insult to our fragile egoseven if it later turns out in our favour. Elders don’t do justice to their highly responsible and dignified statusand become so austere and inflexible in their demands that they fail to realise that the other person mightalso be a human. The present generation is ambitious but knows nothing about patience, respect or courtesy.Most of them are more comfortable with bohemian lifestyles and do not want to be interrupted or objected by anyone at all. This is how the time and trend of nana nani, dada dadi, their pariyon, shehzadon kikahaniyan, fables and parables, and thus the whole age of innocence is gradually disappearing from our lives. Nothing is entirely good or bad, in fact some good is inherent in every system of life. Despite its loopholeswe cannot claim that the joint family system is a worse idea. It is still probably best due to its protectiveenvironment.We get different views and opinions from people who have been part of both joint and singular familysystems. Maha thinks, “It is good to live in a big and extremely supportive community if the familymembers are sensible and understanding. We enjoy nice companions and attention of our elders, we learn totrust and handle different family matters, and it is indeed a big help when we finally have our own family. Itspares us the feeling of being isolated and alone but you also have to be very careful while sharing your happiness, sorrows and secrets in a joint family”. Another friend of mine has an entirely different perception,she said, “In a joint family, most of the people are always on the receiving end and expects a lot from you.Things are taken for granted and it gets exasperating at times to live up to everyone’s impossibleexpectations.”Single families have their own unique pleasures but also a few concerns especially when both parents areworking. You get to enjoy your privacy, there is no one to intervene in your personal life, and you are free tomake your own decisions. You are permitted to enjoy what is your due right and you are answerable to noone but yourself only. But such parents are left with no other options but to search for baby sitters and day-care-centers and none of them are actually beneficial for a child’s emotional and intellectual growth. On theother hand, it has been observed that children raised in large families are more confident, have a balanced personality, are emotionally mature and are good at public dealing. But again there is no universal truth, weneed to prioritise our lives, choose how do we want our futures along with our children’s, always select whatis best in the interest of the whole family, and always maintain balance, no matter where we live and how wemight like to live